At least that's my fantasy. In fact, the reality may not be that far off. Well, maybe not a swat team and maybe there wouldn't be a whole nest of bandits involved, but there is a recently renamed software product that promises pretty much that.

Absolute Software's LoJack for Laptops used to be called CompuTrace, and now it's back with a new name and a new identity. It's also in some respects a little scary. More on that like in a moment.

Meanwhile, I did spend some time playing with LoJack for Laptops. The folks at Absolute Software delivered a disk to my office and, after a few glitches having to do with my outdated laptop software, I successfully installed it, made the appropriate calls to an 800-number in Vancouver, British Columbia. And lo and behold, they told me just where my laptop was located.

"At the beginning, we wondered whether law enforcement would really care about laptops," Livingston confessed. "But they were very supportive. Property theft is a situation where they don't get a lot of success. But this is stolen property with a built-in electronic tip where it's located. They also realized that, in 5 per cent of the cases, the location they go to other criminal activity is taking place."

Last month, for instance, a distress call came from a laptop in McKinney, Texas. The local police stumbled onto a big chop-shop location with drugs and weapons. They also got the stolen computer back.

This is also one tough little piece of software. LoJack for Laptops-Absolute licensed the Lojack name from the car theft recovery company-can survive the entire stripping and reformatting of the hard disk. And, to make it even more invulnerable, most of the big laptop makers-IBM/Lenovo, Dell, Hewlett-Packard and Gateway-have just begun embedding a recovery chip on their system boards, so that even if the thief replaces the hard drive, the computer will still be able to make that SOS call.

Sounds a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator. You can almost hear the computer growling, "I'll be baaaack."

Which is where a few little concerns come in.

Load it onto your laptop, and it dials into a computer in Vancouver, it logs you on, registers your computer's serial number and who you are along with a password. Then, you sit back and wait for it to be stolen.

If that happens, that's when the "recovery team" kicks into action. Those are the go-to people. If your computer does walk out of your office, hotel room or the trunk of your car, you (or they) simply call the 800-number, or go to another computer, and report it stolen. Within seconds, your computer goes on Absolute Software's "most wanted" list.

It works like a charm, as soon as the bandits use your stolen laptop to go online. By the way, all the time your computer's been sitting in your office or den, it has been regularly checking in with its master in Vancouver. If the computer gets into the wrong hands and is reported stolen, Absolute's recovery team will see that status pop up on their screen.

Within seconds, Absolute can use one of three ways to determine where the wayward computer has gone. If it's a dial-up modem, it can tell what phone number the computer is using to get online, and trace the address. If it's broadband, it can track the IP address and then, with cooperation from the Internet Service Provider, locate the street address where the IP is installed. And then there's a third way that even John Livingston, Absolute's chairman and CEO won't tell us about.

Now that's great, if you (or him or her) don't want your last five years' tax returns falling into the hands of a greedy whistle-blower. But, despite Livingstone's assurances, I was a little worried about just how much Tania in Absolute's recovery department was able to see on my hard drive back there in Vancouver.

Finally, there still isn't a version for Apple Macintosh computers, at least not a consumer version, though there is a corporate product. Absolute says one will be forthcoming by year's end.

And, when we tried to install the software on my wife's ancient Dell laptop, it didn't take to Windows98 operating system. There is a version that works on Windows98, but you have to get it straight from the Web site. Type www.lojackforlaptops.com. There'll be someone out there listening!

The first six letters at the top left of your keyboard spell it out QWERTY. This arrangement of letters, along with the other 20 on the traditional keyboard were actually arranged that way to make the job of typing more difficult.

The first commercially successful typewriter was developed by Christopher Latham Sholes in 1873. Originally, the keys were arranged alphabetically. However, a problem soon arose. People became so adept at using the keyboard that the keys would stick or jam when struck in quick succession. In order to overcome this problem Sholes decided to make the job of typing as slow as he possibly could. His solution? He placed the most frequently used keys as far apart from each other as he could. His keyboard became known as the QWERTY keyboard.

So, that is the reason why your keyboard is formatted the way it is. Ironic, considering that every other aspect of your computer is streamlined for maximum efficiency and yet you have to labor over a 127 year old system designed specifically for inefficiency. And inefficient it certainly is. For one thing, QWERTY was not designed for touch typing, which came much later. For keys that are not in the middle or home row it is necessary to reach across diagonally. This is difficult and leads to a high error rate.

Some claim that there is a better system called the DVORAK keyboard format. It was designed by August Dvorak in the 1930s. Dvorak's keyboard put nine of the most used letters in the middle row of the keyboard. This allows the typist to write over 3,000 words without the fingers reaching. In comparison, only about 50 words can be typed on a keyboard without reaching on QWERTY's middle or home row. Another advantage of the DVORAK keyboard is that the workload is much reduced.

Does the DVORAK system really improve performance? In order to prove that it does August Dvorak retrained 14 Navy typists during World War Two. The result? After just one month their work productivity rate improved by an amazing 74 percent. Accuracy improved by 68 percent. So, you would think that people would be jumping over each other to switch over from QWERTY to DVORAK. Surprisingly, this has not proved to be the case. DVORAK keyboards are readily available for most computers and on typewriters, yet by and large they remain unaccepted.

Another supposedly better keyboard than the DVORAK version is the MALT keyboard devised by Lillian Malt. The Malt keyboard does away with staggered rows, gives greater use of the thumb and makes it easier to reach the backspace and other normally out of the way keys. Unlike the DVORAK keyboard, however, the MALT version will require special hardware I order to be installed onto your computer. Modern designs are also available on both the DVORAK and the MALT keyboards that are specially contoured to alleviate the physical problems associated with the traditional typewriter style keyboard. DVORAK have also put out one handed keyboards which give a free hand for other tasks while typing.

The Cingular 8525 is a Cingular exclusive. Among all its features, the 8525 has (obviously) a phone - with all the possible bells and whistles one could fit into a mobile phone package; speaker phone, bluetooth, wired handsfree, voice dialing, and of course the phonebook. A decent 2 Mega pixel camera is on the back that does still pictures and video as well. A small LED flash supplies some illumination for dark spaces, but it works best in natural light. Messaging (email as well as SMS text messages), a full HTML browser that supports most Javascript, WiFi support, InfraRed IR support, USB, Bluetooth of course, and can even work as a USB tethered or IR wireless modem for laptops. The 8525 even works as an MP3 player with the Windows Mobile Media Player built in. Internal speakers provide a mini-boom box, or use the included wired stereo headphones, or add-on bluetooth headsets for stereo listening. A micro SD memory storage card slot allows easy expansion of precious memory.

Transferring music files is easy, just plug in the USB cable (or use Infra Red IR if your computer supports that, or Bluetooth); install the drivers/client software on the desktop, and copy files directly over. The software (Microsoft Active Sync) also does syncronizations for data files and Outlook mail, if you require that maybe feature.

As with any mobile device, the Cingular 8525 has two weaknesses - MEMORY and POWER. Unlike a regular computer, the pocket PC does not have a hard disk drive to dump files onto. It uses memory (RAM in computer terms). Although it is RAM the contents are non-volatile, that is, data is not lost when power goes out. The 8525 pocket PC uses the memory as its storage medium instead of a hard drive. Internal memory consists of read-only and read-write parts, the read-only part is the operating system - the read-write part is where programs and data files are stored.

The internal memory is only sufficient for basic usage - you absolutely NEED extra memory in the form of a micro SD memory storage card. A memory manager tool in the Windows Mobile operating system allows you to monitor the size and usage of the memory (both fixed memory as well as the add-on memory card).

The Mobile Internet Explorer IE browser is a full HTML browser that can show virtually any webpage. Granted, one is limited by the screen resolution given the size of the screen, but scrollbars and a four-way keypad make it easy to get around the large web pages. Most simple javascript does work, but not crazy scripts or DHTML fancy shmancy pages. Images are scaled down to the screen size so viewing them takes some squinting, but it is an acceptable down side. The browser supports Desktop mode where it attempts to render the web page as-is; or a column mode where it attempts to fit things in compact columns (though sometimes it makes the webpage appear strange); and a default option that does a best guess arrangement which actually does work the best for most websites.

Why buy both a PDA and an iPod MP3 player? The Cingular 8525 does it all, the built in Windows Mobile Media Player allows you to play virtually any music file.

Bluetooth is the biggest power hog, it drains the battery the most. Shutting off Bluetooth handsfree devices when not required is a good habit. This is a sad fact for all mobile devices, not just the Cingular 8525.

WiFi is another drain on the battery. In most areas Cingular offers the 3G or EDGE wireless data connection with unlimited usage plans - making WiFi redundant. However, if you keep "borrowing" your neighbor's unsecured WiFi feed, it will drink up your battery juice real fast.

The 3G/EDGE transmitter is also a big power drain. Excessive surfing or constant email checking will run down your battery. Its fine to check the news or sports scores or your email during boring meetings, or on the bus/train commute - but it is not designed for around the clock usage. Also, if your signal strength drops to below 2 bars (low signal), your phone has to shout louder which drains more power. You can disconnect the 3G connection by tapping the G icon, tap DISCONNECT - the phone transmitter will fall back to cellular (lower power consumption).

Overall, the Cingular 8525 scores an 11 out of 10 - yes, this little thing is incredible, and is resoundingly recommended!